“I have BEEN patient Lord, now what?”
Sounds patient, huh?
Patience is a bit of an issue for me. It has been all my life. My husband and I dated for four years before he asked me to marry him. Two years into our relationship I knew he was the man I wanted to marry, and I am pretty sure he knew I was the woman he wanted to marry. Yet he waited two more years before he asking me to marry him. And I waited too, very impatiently.
I would tell the Lord every night, “I have BEEN patient. I have been patient for two years! Won’t you please give me the desires of my heart! This is the man you planned for me isn’t it?”
Erik and I did eventually get married. A few years later we decided we wanted to start a family. This process took much longer and involved many more tears than I had ever imagined. I spent countless nights crying out to God for a child to hold in my arms.
Telling him, “I AM being patient, I HAVE BEEN patient! Won’t you please give me the desires of my heart!”
Sounds patient, huh?
The thing is, I was confident that Erik was the man I was supposed to marry. I was equally confident that God wanted me to be a mom, either by having my own children or through adoption. Honestly, I was perfectly okay with waiting for God’s timing, waiting on his plan – as long as I could know what that plan was and more importantly when that plan would take place.
By now you probably think I am a HUGE control freak. And I suppose you wouldn’t be entirely wrong. But for me, this wasn’t an issue of control, I was perfectly okay with my life following God’s plan and not mine. It may not sound like it, but I really was! For me, it was a timing issue, I wanted to know when God’s plan was going to happen. If he could just tell me when his plan would take place I could be perfectly faithful and patient.
I call this my “crystal ball faith”. I wanted God to show me a picture of what the future would hold; what his plan was; what it was going to look like and when it was going to happen, and then I would happily and patiently wait for it. But crystal ball faith, really isn’t faith at all. True faith is being sure of what we hope for – whether it is a husband, a child, a new job, unconditional love or peace that passes understanding. True faith is being certain even when we can’t see the plan, even when we don’t know what the final outcome will look like or even when it will happen. True faith does not come with a crystal ball.
The crystal ball faith I longed for in my twenties, wasn’t faith at all. True faith came to me through the process of waiting. Waiting on the Lord. Waiting for God’s plan…in God’s time. Waiting for God to give me the desires of my heart. And you know what? He did. I have a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. But they came to me in God’s timing, not my own. And I am SO thankful, because his plan is far better than my plan. And it is ABSOLUTELY worth waiting for. It just takes faith.
About TamiTami writes at Seminary Chic. She describes herself as “a Jesus lover who recently decided that He was calling me to something more. So I enrolled in a local seminary where I am hoping to figure out exactly what it is He is wanting me to do.+
