Grace For the Husbands

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Typically, I shy away from writing anything marriage related, because I do not feel qualified to hand out advice to others on the subject, nor do I have it all together myself.  However, this is an area that the Lord brought to my attention years ago and it’s one that I feel compelled to share.  Simply because relationships can be hard.  Marriage requires a lot of work.  And sometimes we get weary in the well doing of our day to day lives.  Even with someone we love.  We have all been there.  So, my goal is to be real about it and gain some freedom in Christ while doing so.

Couple holding handsI married my high school sweetheart at the tender age of 19.  And by tender I mean:  immature, selfish, controlling, impatient, and probably many more qualities that will remain nameless.  We were young and in love, and eager to say “I do.”  However, being just babies, we were unprepared and ill-equipped for the road ahead.  Sure, love covers a multitude of sin, but it doesn’t make it disappear.  The love in my heart was not always expressed with my mouth.  My devotion and respect weren’t always demonstrated with the best actions.  At times, it was my way or the highway with no in between.  I struggled with anger and I had high expectations of what a husband should be or do.  I had placed him in a position he was not created to fulfill.  And I was terribly wrong.

[Tweet “Have you placed your spouse in a position he was not created to fulfill”]

Who’s the Real Problem

Many years ago, the Lord began to show me how destructive my behavior was.  After having children and with the personality that I have, I found myself more controlling than ever.  Nothing he could do was right.  Whether it be folding clothes or feeding the baby, I wanted it all done my way.  I was a barking dog seated on a porch, observing his every move rather than being thankful that he helped.  And I was convicted.  For years, he had shown me plenty of grace in my times of need.  He never came home demanding or asking what I did all day.  He loved me and yet; he didn’t expect me to be perfect.  I’ve never been griped at for improperly loading the dishwasher.  He’s never said a word about my parenting skills.  All of those years that I believed it was my job to “teach” him or ‘”fix” him was just a lie from the enemy.  The spirit of control had deceived me and tampered with my marriage.  It was a destructive lifestyle, but thankfully the Lord helped us to repair it.

 Proverbs 12:4 says, “A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer to his bones.”

Proverbs 31:26 says, “When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives  instructions with kindness.”

A Heart to Change

After that, I began to change my prayers.  Instead of coming to the Lord in frustration over what my husband did or didn’t do, I simply started to pray for myself, asking God to help me to be more like Jesus.  I prayed earnestly for the sin in my heart to be revealed and my thoughts to be transformed.  I began to renew my mind with the Word of God and to bless my husband instead of complaining about him.  My attitude didn’t change overnight, but little by little, the anger melted away.  My frustration turned to understanding.  Instead of dishing out impatience, I began to extend grace.  It was nothing I could muster up on my own.  It was the Holy Spirit in me, empowering me to overcome the flesh and love in every situation.

[Tweet “Rather than dish out impatience, let’s extend grace to our spouse”]

There are still days when my hormones are raging, or I wake up on the wrong side of the bed.  But, I’m so thankful that God takes us from glory to glory.  That when we are willing to seek Him and ask for forgiveness, He helps us with the steps ahead.  He’s a God that’s faithful to finish what He starts in us.  He gives us grace in our times of weakness and the ability to learn from our mistakes.  He’s a good God and a big God.  And He loves to help us in our time of need.


  1. Sarah: From Inkblots of an Idealist says

    Wonderfully written, Nichole. I know it’s difficult sharing our mistakes on the world wide web, but I’m glad you did. Complaining just may be the number one trap for wives to fall into in regards to their marriage. It starts out small, then snowballs with such intensity that a wife may soon forget what she was like when she was INITIALLY head over heals in love with her man. Alas, a return to a heart of gentleness and loving respect can be set in motion by our Greatest Marriage Counselor…If only we would remember our appointments… and remember what we learned at said appointments. 😉 #StillAWorkInProgress 😉 😉

    Wonderful post again!

    Many blessings to you, your hubs, and your two kiddos,

    Sarah- Inkblots of An Idealist

    • Nichole Wilson says

      Thank you Sarah! And very true….complaining is such a trap and trick of the enemy. If he can shift our focus on to what we lack rather than appreciating all that God has blessed us with, it can be a dangerous place for our families. Thanks again for reading. Blessings to you and your family!

  2. Lureta Ector says

    Hi Nicole
    Your post is so beautifully written, who would have thought you felt under qualified to write in this area. I have come to know that in areas where we are weak, is where God can be strong.
    Thank you for your transparency. It is appreciated and gives hope to the rest of us.
    God bless

    • Nichole Wilson says

      Awe, thank you so much Lureta! I strongly believe that God covers our weaknesses and makes them into something worth using. I feel very blessed that He uses me at all. God bless you and may His face shine upon you.

  3. Gaynelle Austin says

    Nichole, I am so glad the Lord has placed us in each other’s path. I love your blog and love your heart. I wish I were a writer…Oh how I wish. My daughter got that ability…not me. I would love to be able to express what is in my head so eloquently. I could not have expressed this about marriage any better! After being with my husband for the last 28 years, I have learned a lot from mistakes that I wish could be shared to newlyweds just to make it a little easier for them. Life and marriage are not easy, but so definitely worth it!

    • Nichole Wilson says

      Gaynelle, I feel the same way. I have only talked with you a few times in person, but have loved getting to know you and your heart. I don’t believe God does anything by chance. And if it’s in your heart to help others and share your experiences, God will take care of the rest. He’s always strong when I feel the weakest. Thank you for commenting. You are a blessing to many!!

  4. Lee says

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart in this post. After 17 years of marriage I still have to continue to submit myself in these areas of my marriage to the Lord! What a great reminder and encouragement though of God’s faithfulness to me in this part of my journey so far as I am a little bit less of a “barking dog” than I used to be 😉 Thankfully He’s not done with me yet . Great post, thanks for sharing ❤️

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