I couldn’t stand it and had to write my journey down. It has been said “Be careful what you ask for!” and I personally experienced this but my greed and selfish ways.
GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
Let me give you a little history on me. I have always loved to cook. It was my passion. I would tell everyone that and it would show in the food I made. Little did I know this passion would turn into a bigger passion beyond this world. Because of my passion for food and wanting to share it, I decided to give up on my 8-5, take out funds from my 401k, and borrowed some to start a small restaurant. I knew I didn’t want to go big because of all the risk factors. So I invested in a small stand in a farmers market. In the beginning things, were good, not great but good and it gave hope that maybe my American dream could come true. Six months went by and then a year came rolling around, but sales didn’t increase. Instead, it started to decrease due to lack of vendors in the market; therefore, resulting in fewer customers and fewer sales.
WHEN WORRY SETS IN
During this time I came to discover that I was expecting; and I worried about the business, finances, bills and my family. My husband and I were actually a little disappointed that we were expecting because it would throw all the hard work off. However, it is what it is and we’ll work through it and I prayed. I prayed selfishly; I asked god to show me a sign of what I should do with my business and my life. In one of my bible studies, it is written that asking God for a sign often indicates unbelief (Matt 12:38-39 and Luke 19:41-44). In my unbelief, I asked him for a sign and a sign I got. In June, just before we were ready to head out on our family vacation, I started bleeding and found out that my baby will not make it. I went on vacation and forgot about the loss and pushed it back. However, it haunted me more than I wanted. With the loss of the baby and the way the business was going, I was at a total lost. I had no more will power to fight this fight, so I decided to leave it all in the hands of God. Although I was always a believer in God, I believed in him out of duty and not LOVE. There was yearning inside me to want to know more and build a relationship with him, and truly let him lead my life because I could not handle it on my own anymore. So I went and stopped by the Barnes and Noble and picked up the book “What on Earth Am I Here For?” by Rick Warren. Oh, let me go back and mention a couple more things. I had dreams, which are vivid to me now, but I know that they involved my family, fire, and waterfall; to which I tried to find a worldly explanation for it. However, the lord heard my confusion and sent me a sister in Christ to answer my questions and doubts.
LOVING GOD IN NEW WAYS
From that point on I learned that I only knew of God in my self-centered ways. I reflect back to my life as a Christian and I realize I only knew God and the Bible as a duty. I didn’t love God as He loves me. Today I continue to study, learn, praise, and grow. Today I truly know that he loves me and my sufferings were his way of reaching out to me and asking me to build a relationship with him and to allow him to do his work through me. Today I heard his voice when he said “I took one from you, to show you the way to me. Today I give back to you what I have taken.” Today my heart is open and I see clearer than I did before, but my work and my journey for Christ is only beginning. I know it will be hard, long and unknown, but I am not afraid.
Today’s post is submitted by Ia Vue
What unexpected ways have you found God in your life?