I couldn’t stand it and had to write my journey down. It has been said “Be careful what you ask for!” and I personally experienced this but my greed and selfish ways.
GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
Let me give you a little history on me. I have always loved to cook. It was my passion. I would tell everyone that and it would show in the food I made. Little did I know this passion would turn into a bigger passion beyond this world. Because of my passion for food and wanting to share it, I decided to give up on my 8-5, take out funds from my 401k, and borrowed some to start a small restaurant. I knew I didn’t want to go big because of all the risk factors. So I invested in a small stand in a farmers market. In the beginning things, were good, not great but good and it gave hope that maybe my American dream could come true. Six months went by and then a year came rolling around, but sales didn’t increase. Instead, it started to decrease due to lack of vendors in the market; therefore, resulting in fewer customers and fewer sales.
WHEN WORRY SETS IN
During this time I came to discover that I was expecting; and I worried about the business, finances, bills and my family. My husband and I were actually a little disappointed that we were expecting because it would throw all the hard work off. However, it is what it is and we’ll work through it and I prayed. I prayed selfishly; I asked god to show me a sign of what I should do with my business and my life. In one of my bible studies, it is written that asking God for a sign often indicates unbelief (Matt 12:38-39 and Luke 19:41-44). In my unbelief, I asked him for a sign and a sign I got. In June, just before we were ready to head out on our family vacation, I started bleeding and found out that my baby will not make it. I went on vacation and forgot about the loss and pushed it back. However, it haunted me more than I wanted. With the loss of the baby and the way the business was going, I was at a total lost. I had no more will power to fight this fight, so I decided to leave it all in the hands of God. Although I was always a believer in God, I believed in him out of duty and not LOVE. There was yearning inside me to want to know more and build a relationship with him, and truly let him lead my life because I could not handle it on my own anymore. So I went and stopped by the Barnes and Noble and picked up the book “What on Earth Am I Here For?” by Rick Warren. Oh, let me go back and mention a couple more things. I had dreams, which are vivid to me now, but I know that they involved my family, fire, and waterfall; to which I tried to find a worldly explanation for it. However, the lord heard my confusion and sent me a sister in Christ to answer my questions and doubts.
LOVING GOD IN NEW WAYS
From that point on I learned that I only knew of God in my self-centered ways. I reflect back to my life as a Christian and I realize I only knew God and the Bible as a duty. I didn’t love God as He loves me. Today I continue to study, learn, praise, and grow. Today I truly know that he loves me and my sufferings were his way of reaching out to me and asking me to build a relationship with him and to allow him to do his work through me. Today I heard his voice when he said “I took one from you, to show you the way to me. Today I give back to you what I have taken.” Today my heart is open and I see clearer than I did before, but my work and my journey for Christ is only beginning. I know it will be hard, long and unknown, but I am not afraid.
Today’s post is submitted by Ia Vue
What unexpected ways have you found God in your life?
Hi, I am encouraged by your post.
It is absolutely an awesome freedom when we surrender to His leading. Amen. God bless you
Love your post!!! I love food too and love God!!! My new favorite prayer, found in The Circle Maker, is surprise me Lord. It is scary, but He is surprising me in amazing ways!!! How can I follow your blog?
Hi! Sorry for not responding…at the time when I wrote this I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to get to see it and have not continued…but I have much to share. I will continue to write once I figure out how it works. Lol! Thanks!
Highly Favored says
AMEN, God is Amazing and He truly desires us to LOVE Him through trusting Him.
Just when I am becoming distracted he helps me find my way back to him. I forgot about this post…but now reminded I must continue to renew myself and stay connected.