For the Single and Discouraged

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What happens when you feel stuck in the insecurity and loneliness that comes with living a single life? What do you do when rejection gets in the way of truly giving yourself to God? In her book, Savoring Single, Shelley Black points toward biblical truths that pull you out of discouragement and propel you into living a prosperous life for Christ.

Our God has the desire to use us in big ways. When it comes to the advancement of His kingdom, we are all called to take part in the larger system at work in this world. Many of us will feel this call to give it all to God, in our thoughts, actions, and conversations.

Growing Close to Christ

Rejection comes in many forms, but often it’s the rejection from a guy that holds us back the longest. You might feel like you’re not good enough like you aren’t “datable”, or like you won’t ever be able to sustain a God-glorifying relationship.

As Black stresses, these are lies from the enemy meant to hurt our relationship with Christ. As Christians, we are, by definition, daughters of the King. We are beautiful and lovable! We are accepted, and we adored! A guy will never have the authority to redefine our value or worth because God as our Heavenly Father has already decided it.

In 1 Corinthians 7:34, we read, “The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and in spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” This is not to say that before marriage we won’t have responsibilities. And it is also important to note that during marriage, we will also have more responsibilities than solely loving our husbands. But being married is, by definition, a commitment of time and energy. Marriage (and any godly relationship) will take intentional work and a sacrificial spirit.

1 Corinthians 7:34 Quote GraphicGod wants us to make Him our first and ultimate responsibility. God desires to be our foundation and focus. Attempting to hold Him first after we have already committed our hearts to a guy prevents us from learning all that we can from God. Without a mature faith, a relationship can unequally prioritize our time with the Lord and world. As Black writes, “if you try to avoid being single or rush through it, you’ll miss everything God wanted to develop in you through this once-in-a-lifetime part of your journey!” She adds, “there is a purpose for it and it likely won’t last forever.”


Ways to Delight in the Single Life

First, pray! Before embarking on any journey, make your intentions clear to God that you want to stay focused on Him.

  • Starting a new project? Pray that God will lead your hands as they create.
  • Beginning a new bible study? Pray that God will speak through the study program.
  • Choosing to embrace the single life? Pray that God will change your heart to focus on glorifying Him in your day-to-day choices.

Second, read scripture and learn about God’s character. Choose daily to invite God into your life through the study of His word. Make this time intentional and a priority in your busy life. We cannot reach the potential God sees for us without first getting to know God.

Lastly, learn to live out the scripture by working hard to serve those in need. Not only will this shift your focus away from your pain, it will also glorify the God you ultimately serve. Giving our lives to God means giving our lives to the aid of His people. We are urgently called to love the hurting and broken. So, set no limit on your willingness to do good work, and pray to let it be so!

For more ways to enjoy all that God has to offer us in our seasons of being single, check out Savoring Single.

Will It Always Be Easy?

While God has promised us much, each day will pose new questions, create new doubts, and ask us to endure new hardships. But with a solid foundation in the Lord’s unfailing love, we will be able to handle it all. In the same way, the preparation we need for healthy, God-glorifying relationships is found in relishing the season of being single. With just His love, we are complete.


This post was inspired by the work of Shelley Black in her new book Savoring Single. I was provided a complimentary copy as a part of the book tour. If you or a friend are interested in reading more about learning to love the single life, you can pick up a copy of her book here.

Savoring Single Blog Tour