Being a single woman (who has never been married) and over the age of 40 puts me in a category all my own most days. I am more aware of it with each passing year. I still want to marry, but my attitude about marriage has evolved over the years. When I was young I thought of it as a duty or a job where I would have the responsibility of keeping a man and a family in line! Now I think of it as the opportunity to be a good partner and companion and I long for that. The idea of being open to raising a family has faded. I have always tried to fill my life with things I enjoy and serving God through my work and my church. Yet there still seems to be that notion at the back of my mind that somehow someone is meant to be my husband or partner. God made me that way, and I believe he will meet that need.
My friends have changed over the years too. I have left behind those who married and raised children (and now have grandchildren) and have found a small circle of friends who are widowed and divorced and so are now single like me but still different having lived part of their lives married. I know very few women my age who have never married.
The church is not always a place where singles feel like they belong. No matter how well-meaning all the older ladies are to kindly include me in activities I have had to find a ministry I am comfortable with. I teach in the children’s program. I was not instinctively drawn to this ministry but God prepared me for it, and it is a great blessing to be a part of a community and teach the children to love the Lord!
The Bible says it’s good to be single, so you are not concerned about pleasing your spouse but pleasing God. That doesn’t mean being single you are more spiritual than everyone else! I spent a lot of time and energy pining for a husband as a young woman. When I decided to not compare my life with those around me, I became much more content in my singleness. My life is my own, and I need to live it out the way God wants me to. His way might mean a life of singleness, and I need to accept that. God has taught me to value his word and wait on him.
I desire to honor God with my life and in doing that, He will prepare me for whatever the future holds. I still want to be ready if someday God brings the right man into my life. I was greatly encouraged when two widows in my church were married. Both of them over the age of 60!
Are you an older single adult? Have you found your attitude toward marriage change as you have gotten older?
About the Author
My name is Vickie and I live on the East Coast of Canada. I am 47, single, never married and have no children. I am interested in writing about my life as a single Christian woman and how my faith has sustained me through the years. I am new to blogging, but I feel I have something to contribute in writing about single life. So often what I read to encourage singles is written by those who are married, and it can be difficult to appreciate that perspective. Most people have experienced singleness but few, like myself, have lived out their whole lives that way. Connect with Vickie on her blog.
So refreshing to read this, and actually, it’s my second time. I came across this article below. At this point, I’m even more confident than I was before. I was just thinking and mediating. I was thinking how amazing it is that my life is so wonderfully unique and especially thought of by the Father for me! I’m 33, no children, never married, and no real prospects. I’ve always had a difficult time really investing myself in relationships. I’ve had three long term, meaning 3 year or more relationships. I have been proposed to once. It’s a real process to try to understand why you would be purposed to be single. I don’t feel like my life is anymore grand or anything because I’m single. Over time, I honesty believe that The LORD knows best, that my life will complete his purpose better if I am not married nor birth my own children. His purpose is to prosper me, because His plans are good for me, Jerimiah 29:11. I’m ready to stop looking for something that I know is just taking up my time unnecessarily. This is NOT for all women or men, but for me I know it is so. I am so excited to live the life I KNOW is purposed for me. It is so much peace, clarity, and blessing in this. However, it is such a process to obtain the beauty of it, because you have to fight through everyone’s standards. This is not usually a celebrated walk. That is the hardest part. It is a modest walk. It is purposed in a quiet tone. There will be quiet moments, so small feet of children running in your home, no one to cuddle up to at night and spill the beans about your day, not always having someone so readily available to help around the house or take a get away with. It-is-a-different walk, but a very blessed one, a special one, an ordained one. I am ordained by The Father to live the LIFE, have life, live it, the WAY He says is best. He is all knowing, and all loving. Amen. Thank you author for sharing with us.
Hi Bailey, so glad to hear you were encouraged and thank you so much for sharing your testimony.
Hi Vickie, Thank you for your post. I feel very alone, being 42, never married, and no children. There was a huge expectation to get married quickly out of high school, and I just wasn’t ready. Then when I was ready, it was very hard to find a partner. I was just telling a friend the other day, how hard it is to go to church being the “never” lady in a small town.
Couldn’t agree more than what you all mentioned about the thought of being single. I’m at my mid-30s but I have the same feeling of wanting to get married and never meet one. Not even once having official dating relationship. The getting married kind of fantasies fading away as the age increasing. Not hoping so much Prince & Princess fairy tales anymore, instead just one man who willing to take me is more than enough.
Thank you Vickie for your testimony. I’m also one of those women over 40 who have never been married. At the age of 23, when I got baptized into my church, I thought it would be only a matter of a few years until I could start a family of my own. It was ok for me that it didn’t happen in my 20s, although my longing was intense. When I entered my 30s, there were still enough things I could keep myself busy with; but I definitely assumed that I wouldn’t hit 40 without a companion at my side. Well, this year I turned 46 – still without any prospect to get married. I must admit that I struggle with the thought that I may hit 50 and still be alone. It’s ok for me not to have children, but my desire for a godly husband is still as intense as it was 20+ years ago. So I keep waiting and praying – and hoping that the Lord has not forgotten me. Of course I can serve Him in my community, and I do have friends, but fact is that the Lord has instilled this desire in me. It’s really hard, but I’m encouraged by testimonies like yours and other women who are in similar situations.
Hi Daniela, thank you for stopping by and sharing. I think it’s important for more of us older Christian women to share our truths about our desires for companionship. God certainly knows. I trust that God has indeed not forgotten gotten about you sweet sister. I’d encourage you to be proactive in pursuing outside interests as you never know how God may bring you and your future mate together.
Hi found this blog on accident and find it very refreshing… i relate to the always been single, never married no children woman over 40 comments. I think in church any single woman over 35 can feel out of place at times. I was someone who never stressed about marriage and children until after 35 and realized hmm this just may not happen and had to find my peace with G*D to be ok with that. But every now and again i would get that tug in my heart for a partner and decided i would meditate on scripture when that happened because i believed that that tug meant my future husband was indeed out there or G*D wouldn’t allow the tug to happen in the first place! Only G*D decides the times and phases of our lives not society. That said, I met the most wonderful christian man one week before turning 40, now I will be married one week before i turn 42. He is 37 and we both want kids so i know G*D will make that happen one way or another, because HE is faithful and has a hope and future planned for us all. 🙂
Hi Emme, reading your testimony is such an encouragement to me. I like your decision to focus on God’s Word during times you felt those strings of your heart being pulled. Praise God for his faithfulness. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Wishing you God’s best my sister.
I am thankful to find some other “always been single” middle aged women. I will turn 40 next year and the hurt of being single has become more and more evident, particularly as the window of ever having children is closing. I was never one of those girls concerned about being single in my early 20s (i know some who stressed about graduating college with no potential mate.) I also have never felt a huge tug at the heart for having children. i just assumed one day both would happen for me. My desire for marriage also involves the desire for companionship and just someone to share things with.
Feeling out of place at church has increased a lot recently as my long time Sunday School class sort of dissolved. There are plenty of single people my age in the church spread out through a lot of ministries. I have been part of teaching children a couple of times and have started it again. I still however, wish there was more obvious acknowledgement in the church of the presence of single people who have different support needs than others. The only thing i seem to notice geared toward singles is preparation for marriage. We face issues that are unrelated to marriage. I assume most of us are committed to a life of purity from a different perspective of waiting until marriage (as the reality of that never happening becomes more possible). We also have practical life matters to deal with on our own. As I get older I definitely need to look for ways to minister to younger single women.
Anyway a few random thoughts of mine.
Hi Joy, thanks for sharing your experience. I too am one of those older “always been single” women. I can certainly relate to so much what you have written. It’s one of the reasons I was so happy to be able to share Vickie’s story. Too often we only hear the voice of singleness from the younger lady perspective.
Great post and perspective. My attitude about marriage has changed as I’ve gotten older because I’ve come to a place of acceptance of what is. I had to learn to be happy with where God has me even though it is different from what I envisioned for my life at 40. I’ll be 41 this year and now I truly embrace being single. I look forward to meeting new people as I believe everyone crosses our path for a reason. With that being said, I still hope to be married one day but if God sees a different direction I’m open to be led and accept.
I write a blog also called Girrrl Stop! http://www.girrrlstop.com, that girlfriend who tells you like it is! Check it out!!
Again thanks for this post!
Hi Reebs,
Thank you for your encouraging comment! I do think that with the years God provides contentment when we turn to Him and rely on Him more. Each day can be a challenge sometimes. I am always thankful when I choose to spend more time with Him.
I am believing that the best is yet to come 🙂
Vickie
ps I will check out your blog too!
Hi Robin,
Thank you for your comments. I am sure there are lots who are living this mature single life and sharing the ups and downs with those who understand is comforting.
I started a facebook page, A Christian Life and a blog http://vam92.freeblog.site/ to help me connect with other women who might find it encouraging to read.
Knowing God has a plan no matter what the future holds is the greatest blessing. I am glad that I have to depend a little more on Him because I don’t have a spouse. He is faithful!
Hi Vicky, I can appreciate your post. I’ll be 44 this summer and am a single mom, never married. It is hard to find your place in this world and church as your shared, but like you, I am trusting God to help me each step of the way. I too would like to be married and have a father for my daughter, but I know that the Lord needs to lead him to us. I am still believing that it will happen, and am learning how to grow in God as i wait. Robin
Thanks Robin for sharing your thoughts. Vickie has also left you a reply on the blog. Feel free to connect with her directly. We were delighted to be able to share the perspective of living single from the older adult perspective.