This is Charity’s last installment of her series. We’ve loved having her write for BCW. She always has wonderful words to share.
So if you’ve been with us for the duration of this series I bet you are wondering when does marriage become fun. Well it’s always fun, even with the ups and downs marriage is filled with joy. However to keep that joy going work is still involved and intimacy has to exist. Before we go any further let me make a disclaimer to say sex is vital to marriage and I will talk about in this post. Sex is written all over the bible and is an integral piece to God’s design for marriage – so here we go!
What is intimacy? If you are thinking sex…well not quite. In the world we equate lust with love and intimacy with sex. Contrary to what we believe intimacy and sex are not equal. Sex is a fruit of intimacy; it’s not the other way around. In a world that is sexually broken many people settle for sex without the intimacy. It’s easy to have sex but intimacy takes work. Intimacy defines it’s self in the way it sounds – [in-to-me-see], allowing your spouse to see into your mind, body, and soul. Being intimate with your spouse leaves you vulnerable which can be scary, but very its very rewarding. When you and your husband have intimacy that is when the party really begins.
Here are some ways you can start the party in your marriage:
Build intimacy by speaking your spouse’s language. We spend so much of our lives learning new things but how many of those learning moments are reserved for our spouses? God created a marriage for us to have a companion other than him that fully knows us and fully understands us. Take time to study your spouse, to learn what they enjoy, what they dislike, and to understand their moods. Developing sensitivity to your spouse’s personality and needs will help you to connect to him in ways no one else will understand.
Pray with your spouse and for your spouse. Praying together often takes both the husband and wife out of their comfort zone if they are not used to praying aloud. But prayer in a marriage works wonders and serves as a reminder that you two play for the same team. It also helps with intimacy as your share your heart with your spouse and with God. So take some time out and pray with your spouse for your marriage, family, and future together.
Speak to your spouse. Communicate your needs. As women we often expect people to understand what we think is obvious. For example if we see the trash can is full we often assume our husband sees it too and should take it out. But when he doesn’t we are frustrated and feel like he does not help out around the house. Well you know what, guys work differently than us. They respond a lot better when we ask for their help rather than when we just expect it. If you need more cuddle time, help with the dishes, kids, trash, or whatever just ask. Instead of trying to send out smoke signals ask your spouse for whatever it is you need.
Receive compliments from your spouse. Have you ever been told that you look beautiful when you are feeling less than stellar? The moment you shoot down that compliment you send a blow to your spouse. No one likes to have their compliments rejected. Keep in mind that the way you see yourself is not always the way your spouse sees you. You may feel frumpy or think your body has changed from giving birth to your children, but if your guy tells you look beautiful – believe it. While the mind is the sexual organ for most women, the eyes are that for a man if he says he likes what he sees it’s often true. Allow your husband’s words to help free your mind to enjoy life and to see yourself in his eyes.
Experience things with your spouse, spending time together will help to build a solid connection. Do not forget all the little things that got you married. Date your spouse – see movies, have dinner together, do road trips, go out for ice cream, play games and take bike rides. Sometimes even the simplest things can have the largest impact on your marriage so go back to the basics.
Serve your spouse, we should be servant lovers. Let’s face it no one wants a selfish lover. Knowing your spouse’s needs in public is just as important as knowing his needs in private. God made a man and a woman to complement one another. If your spouse is struggling in an area lead him through with patience love and understanding. Be committed to being responsive to your spouse’s needs, remember we are each called to love sacrificially in marriage so this is your chance.
Touch your spouse. Body language is so important and one way your body can speak to your spouse is by touching. Rub your spouse’s back for encouragement, look into his eyes when you speak, hug often and give kisses. Humans thrive on physical connection and the endorphins it produces. Kisses, hugs, and eye contact are also ways to connect to your spouse outside of the bedroom – they send signals of desire, approval, and love. Kisses, hugs, and eye contact are tiny sparks that can lead to a fiery sex life with your spouse. Sex is a gift from God that remind us of our special connection with him. Sex is a mingling of two souls, it belongs in intimacy, and that belongs in marriage.
These are just a few ways you can keep the intimacy going in your marriage. A marriage without intimacy is like a party without music – you need intimacy in your marriage to have fun! So let the party begin!
Read Charity’s past posts: