The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing, and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship.
The Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God unless we want to fool ourselves.
I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media has influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.
In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT.
Is Kissing a Sin
Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.
Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).
Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman.” It is therefore impossible to kiss and, at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.
Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing?
Let’s be on this journey together, regardless of whether you are in a short or long distance relationship.
It is possible to stay pure. It is all in the mind and having self-control. Also, regularly reading relevant scriptures and articles in relation to staying pure in courtship would help.
If we want to pursue godliness, the question of “Is it okay to kiss or not?” is simply the wrong question to ask.
The questions we should ask ourselves about kissing are:
- Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?
- Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?
- Does it reflect purity?
- Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?
- What do you think God would do if He was in your shoe?
- Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5
From the questions I usually receive and the discussions I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop.
If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desired). And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.
It is to be noted that few Christians that engaged in THKS prior to their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.
How to Put the Brakes on Touching, Hugging, Kissing, and Sex Once You’ve Started
· If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.
· Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.
· Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of second chances. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.
· Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.
· If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advise you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.
· God said that whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13. Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.
· In terms of romance, I agree with one of the comments to my question of is kissing and romance a sin during courtship (nonetheless we must be careful of the choice of words and the choice of things that we do).
· One of the people that commented suggested, expressing your romance through careful choice of words, gifts, acts of service, learning about each other’s character, etc.
· I know some of you are thinking that it is impossible not to kiss and romance (touching, sexual behaviour). Trust me, it is possible, I am following it and I know a number of people that adhere to it.
- You are in charge of your body.
- Be determined to make every effort to stay pure.
- Practice self-control.
- You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? Amos 3:3 NIV).
- Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong?
- Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.
You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.
You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God’.
Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.
True love will not want you to disobey God.
A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.
The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries. It also makes a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.
Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar’s wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him.
After marriage, I’m sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax.
In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.
Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you are able to conquer today will most likely be conquered by your generations’. Start a good chain of living right today.
Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie. Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn’t fully repent and terminate it?
Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name.
Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.
About the Author
Myss Lafunky is a pen name, a Christian blogger from England. I enjoy ‘feeding my mind’ in line with Philippians 4:8. I dedicate my spare time to blogging, knowing more about Jesus, praying for myself and for others, and helping the Less Privileged.
I’m a regular guest on a Christian radio show called: ‘Before I Do’ on Hephzibah radio UK (download via app) every Monday from 7pm-9pm.
My blog is mainly for helping Christians regarding relationships, intimacy and building a closer relationship with God, irrespective of your environment and things that you are exposed to in the secular world.
Feel free to contact me via email. Email address: [email protected]
Myss Lafunky blogs at www.lafunky.blogspot.com
*original top photo from picturesnew.com; edited*