How To Handle Self-Love As A Christian

This post may contain affiliate links. Read the full disclosure here

Ahh, Self – Love.

As women, it can be a tricky thing to navigate well.

There is no shortage of advice in the world on how we should handle self-love.

“You need to love yourself first before you can truly love others” Unknown 

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line” Lucille Ball

Often today we’re told we need to love ourselves more.


That self-love is the key to our happiness.

But is it really?

How are we supposed to handle self-love as a Christian??

Before I was a believer, I wavered between two extremes on the self-love scale.

#1 I was so insecure I secretly wanted to believe what they were saying was true- but couldn’t quite “get it.”

#2 I was content enough with my circumstances (for the moment) that I ran from the self-love epidemic writing it off as ‘not for me’.

As Christians, we need to seek wisdom on the topic of self-love. It’s important we run it through the word of God.

Self-Love and God’s Love

*A quick clarification on the topic of Self Love. Self-Love is not the same as Self Care. God wants us to care for our minds, souls, and bodies in a way that honors Him. He created us and wants His best for us in those areas. He is for our Self Care. I know I, and many women need to be reminded of that! So no putting off the Self Care, Ok?*

Let’s dig into to what Self Love is based on.

Self-Love is based on our feelings.

Self-Love is based on our thoughts about ourselves.

Self-Love is based on our circumstances.

And Self-Love is based on our relationships with others.

Self-Love focuses on us and our temporary circumstances. It’s dependent on how we feel that day or week, what we have (things or relationships) or what we do. It is ever-changing and provides no lasting satisfaction.

Instead, God offers something better!

He offers us, Foundational Love! His Love is not based on how we feel. It is not dependent on our works or what we do. It is based on Him and what He did for us. 1 John 4:10 This is real love – not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

He offers us, Everlasting Love! His love is forever. He is drawing us to Himself. Jeremiah 31:3 Long ago the Lord said to Israel: I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself.

He takes the focus off of us and shows us how to Love others! Mark 12:31 says The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. We already love ourselves to some degree no matter how insecure we may feel. Think of how often we think of ourselves!

I am so ______

If I were only _____

I wonder if they think I am ______

First, those are condemning thoughts God disagrees with (He thinks good thoughts towards you), but it’s also thinking of yourself first! We often put our will and our way above God’s will and loving others. His love reminds us to put others first. To esteem or build others up. To love others with His Love as often more than we think of ourselves!

How do we choose to handle Self-Love as a Christian?

With the Greatest Commandment: and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

Let’s make the choice to Love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. As a result, we won’t need Self-Love or Self-Esteem. When we choose to believe the truths He says about us, we will have Christ-Esteem that builds us up and flows from the inside out. Therefore we will cling to the truth of how much He truly Loves us! And yes, that’s so much that He gave His only Son to die for us so that we can spend eternity with Him!

Opposite of Self-Love, what an amazing Selfless Love that is!

Let’s keep our focus on God’s Character and His Love for us. I’ve created 30 printable Scripture Cards for you to print out and review when you start to struggle with self-love this month!

Join our Freebies Hub get your Scripture Cards and full access to resources that will build you up and help you see who you are through God’s eyes!

What about the topic of self- love vs. God’s love is a struggle for You?

Leave a comment below. I would love to pray for you!

Talk to you soon,


O Lord, You have pleaded the case for my soul;

You have redeemed my life.

Lamentations 3:58


  1. Jocelyn McDonald says

    I’m a devout Christian, and I’ve always struggled with the idea of self love and identity and how it fits in with my religion. Your article let me know I’m not alone in these worries, and had some great information that helped me understand how to deal with self love as a Christian. You mention that we often think of ourselves and therefore already have self love to some degree, so we should be reminded by the lord to put others first, and love others more than we think of ourselves. Thanks for the great article.

  2. Leeanna Lunn says

    Dear Lee.

    I guess I always saw it a little different than you do; have a different perspective, particularly on the meaning of the phrase. I always interpreted “self love” into “loving myself for Jesus’ sake”, and what I mean by that is changing the negative self-talk into telling myself what I know to be true of myself because of Christ: I am loved, I am worthy of honor and respect, I am bought with a price, I am made for a purpose, etc. It wasn’t about focusing on myself so much as refuting the lies Satan uses to tear me down, and always pointing to Jesus. The idea that it is inherently selfish to ensure that the things we think about ourselves are Godly seems… a bit of a knee-jerk reaction. Refuting lies wherever they arise is part of spreading the truth. They should always bring us back to Jesus, though.

    If God says these things are true about me (and you), who are we to refute them or write them off?

    • Gemma says

      I agree! The worldly idea of self love is not one we should follow, but that doesn’t mean that self love is not Christ like! It’s knowing you’re loved as you are made, exactly in gods image, and I wouldn’t call that boastful at all, but rather affirming yourself in the identity of Christ! Interesting points lee, and Well put leeanna

  3. bethany mcilrath says

    Love this! Thank you for writing this- will definitely be sharing! The concept of “Christ-esteem” is so clear and helpful as I’m constantly wrestling with all these Christian messages of self-love. Was writing about it this morning- so this was God-timed!

    • Lee says

      Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing. God has fantastic timing doesn’t He!? 🙂 So thankful you were encouraged!

  4. Sue says

    Great points about negative self talk and we are to love ourselves as Christ loved the church. We are made in the image of God and if we don’t love ourselves we can’t love our neighbor. So there is a lot more to think about when it come to loving or not loving ourselves. And being made in the image of God if we love things about God but we don’t see that in us realize it is there and we too can bring out that attribute in ourselves, thus the closer we get to God and what He has already given to us the more we will love ourselves because we will be so much more like Him and what He intended for us.

    Mark 12:30-31 New Living Translation (NLT)

    30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] No other commandment is greater than these.”

    Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

    • Lee says

      Thank you so much for the comment Sue, great reminders! “the closer we get to God and what He has already given to us, the more we will love ourselves because we will be so much more like Him and what He intended for us” Exactly, Amen! Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  5. Nichole says

    I’m so glad a Christian finally wrote about this phenomenon of Self Love and was able to tie in biblical principles. We have to be very careful when following worldly trends. Thanks for posting!

  6. Rachel says

    Very interesting read! I’ve had all of these thoughts about the “self love” movement myself. It is really all about making ourselves feel good and that will have no lasting effect on our happiness. I’m glad someone agrees and reminded us of God’s love for us being sufficient. Thanks so much for this post!

    • Lee says

      Thank you so much for your comment Rachel! “It is really all about making ourselves feel good and that will have no lasting effect on our happiness.” YES! We need to go to the source of true happiness 🙂 Thanks again!

Leave a Reply

Want to see your lovely face by your comment? Get a free custom avatar at Gravatar.